A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
