"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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