I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
