sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
