you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
