You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
