if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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