dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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