Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize