dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
