This is not my ceiling
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
