Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
