I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
