No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
