Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
