shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
