so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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