Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
where are you?
Hypothermia
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
