"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dick very happy bro
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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