I haven't been this sober since birth.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
