How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
