The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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