so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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