he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
