wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
