Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
