We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
