he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
