i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
