Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I showed him my bush... on skype.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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