She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
