how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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