I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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