I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
