i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You were trust falling into bushes
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
