FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Fuck appropriateness.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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