do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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