I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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