is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
