Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
