I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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