Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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