Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
