I wish they made helmets for livers.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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