he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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