She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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