True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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