We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
