even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
