You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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