Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
