I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
