Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
