I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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