It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
even my farts smell like vagina
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
