Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
