She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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