does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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