just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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