I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
