can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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