he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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