so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
