There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize