dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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