He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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